One of my favorite things to discuss with couples who come to my office is polyamory…

… and how to negotiate opening their relationship without sacrificing their relationship.

I think even before we get to answering that question, it’s important that we have a working definition of polyamory and what it is, and conversely what it is not.

Polyamory is defined as loving more than one person. From the Greek, ‘Poly’ means ‘many,’ and from the Latin, ‘amor’ means ‘love,’ so polyamory literally means ‘many loves.’ Polyamory is often called ethical, consensual non-monogamy.

Often, polyamory gets confused with being in an open relationship.

The truth is that they are not necessarily the same thing; however, both are consensual. This means everyone in the relationship is aware that there are alternative relationships going on.

The difference between an open relationship and polyamory is in an open relationship, the sexual relationship are usually just that, sexual. There are usually no feelings involved outside of the primary relationship, and often there is no expectation that people in an open relationship will share their sexual relationships with their spouse or partner. The important aspect to remember about both types of these relationships is that they are consensual, meaning the people in them are aware their partners are intimate with others, and give their blessings.

While many people think that being in a polyamorous relationship would mean a free-for-all where sex is concerned…

…just like a regular relationship there are boundaries that must be followed.

Sometimes these are about who a person can or cannot be with (like friends of the couple, or people from work), or whether the partners must use protection and what kinds. These, and many other things would need to be negotiated if you were to have an open relationship.

If you are thinking about opening your relationship, I recommend working with a sex therapist who is familiar with this process and can help you negotiate the boundaries necessary to make this a pleasant experience.

If you are considering opening your relationship or would just like to talk about what this could be like for your relationship, please feel free to contact me to make an appointment today.